Thursday, 14 December 2017

Depressing xmas #5

I bought her the iPad she wanted and she thanked Santa, being overlooked has become my mantra. I pass out the presents, as good daddy's must do, soon to become unloved junk that the children eschew. As the rubbish piles of wrapping paper accrue, and the Christmas tree stands slightly askew, all I can think of is being with you, my first love, the one who got away and broke my heart in two. Now with half a heart I love my partner and my brain reminds it to stay true, but the other half aches and all it wants to do, is get out of here, and run away with you.

Monday, 11 December 2017

Depressing xmas #6

We revert back to our childhood selves. Insecure and attention starved thinking only of ourselves. Picking at each other's wounds we open up old scabs. We treat each other with disrespect as our mother nags. I cannot believe it's Christmas time already this year, my stress levels have not sufficiently recovered to allow me to be back here. I'd like to say that I can cope, that this will be A-OK, but somehow I know I'll be chewing someone out and drinking alone by the end of the day. 

Depressing xmas 11

Your partner is moaning at you to go around again, the carpark's full, you're being driven around the bend. You left the Christmas shopping until the last minute yet again, you're going to rush, panic and overspend, on people you're inexplicably keen to have keep calling you a friend, even though you never see them and their love is just pretend.

Friday, 8 December 2017

Depressing xmas #8

I wish I could be here forever, but these years keep coming so fast. All I can think each Christmas is that this one could be my last. My kids have grown and all left home, they don't need me any more. I'm tucked away in the old folks home, I'm suffering behind closed doors. The photos of me have found their way from their mantles to their drawers. There was a time when their love made me feel rich, but now all I feel is poor.

Tuesday, 5 December 2017

Through Your Despising Eyes Reprised

You look at me
 and you see cold,
you instinctively tug at the cincture of your jacket
 and the collar folds,
as if you could catch the frost from me,
as if you can see by my face what it's like to be me.
Your eyes barely even rate me a mention,
the footpath is taking up the majority of their attention.
Your brain will rapidly delete me,
if my love was a virus, the world would be disease free.

Depressing xmas #4

The only thing I want for Christmas is you.
For you to walk the earth again would be my wish come true.
And just in case, we still set a place at the table just for you.
Christmases are not the same unless you are here too

Depressing xmas #1

You bought them everything their hearts desired, but when push came to shove,
You bought them everything they could ever want, but you couldn't buy their love.

Saturday, 2 December 2017

All So Wrong

God, it's all so wrong. I was meant to be strong. I wasn't made to suffer through and carry on. I wasn't made for mediocrity and being dull. I was supposed to twinkle in the sky, just like mummy sang until I turned five. I wanted to be a contender, but somehow I ended up a phone mender.