Monday, 26 September 2016

When I Died Inside

...And suddenly I'm standing outside my own body. And there I am... there he is.. mouth torturously agape, his eyes sunken, skin drooping toward the puddle of misery he wishes to become. It was as if someone had found a wick inside him, lit it, and he'd started to melt. His arms, bent slightly at the elbows, holding up a bundle of limp swaddled clothing, the edges tussling in the wind. He holds his face and his bundle up to the heavens screaming like Munch's famous figure.

I never had terribly many friends. In all honesty my children were my best friends. And this is what it feels like when you lose a best friend.

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Grip

Fritter your passions away. Squander your talent. Take all your emotions and cast them aside. Live life like a zombie. Move from one pointless thing to the next. Briefly eke out an inconsequential existence. Lose yourself. Lose what makes you, you.



Thursday, 8 September 2016

When I've Finally Got The Answer

I've got all the answers now, to all of my life's great questions: is it love? Is it lust? Is it desire? Or need? Can I trust? Am I self sabotaging? Am I programmed to breed? Is this too good to be true? Am I falling for you?

But the thing with answers is, what good do they do? They're all too late for me, and certainly, many years too late for you.

Wednesday, 7 September 2016

When I'm Not Good Enough

Your hand slinks away from mine and you leave me to walk on all alone. Until then, I thought you made me who I was, you made me feel like I was home. All I wanted was the slightest touch, I craved the lightest of such from you and your little fingers. If you gave me but a single chance I'm sure that I could've found a way for us to linger.

So now I walk alone along the soundless streets, by houses tucked like humans on their knees, behind their fences made of forearms. I see them pressed and cramped without a space in this hateful place, everything looks worse without your charms. A song comes on my phone, I've never heard this one on my own. Nothing sounds as good when you're all alone.

Tuesday, 6 September 2016

When You Cannot Love Me

I'm old and cynical enough now that I don't feel the need to be loved, I can walk through life almost completely unplugged from the world around me and it's slithering slugs. My life is no longer laid out before me as if I'm being tugged, toward what people want from me: labour, money, sex or drugs. Instead I can sit in my pants eating bugs, sipping from yesterday's half mouldy mug. Friends can fuck off, I'll roll them in a rug. Family can suck it, if they ask for help I'll just shrug. I don't need anyone now I've found myself, and we fit together so lovely and snug.

Friday, 2 September 2016

The Mystery

I'm a white middle aged man and no one listens to me. Is that why I feel these pangs of unfathomable misery? I mean, they've always promised that this is what is owed to me, and yet here I am ignored and yet still abhorred for my apparent in-bred misogyny. If I could take back one thing it'd be the mention of misogyny, because now all the feminists are rubbing their hands in glee, ready to take out all their frustrations on an insignificant bug like me.