Thursday, 7 May 2015

Philip Lyle Hansen's Guide To Being Handsome

I love my women soft and gummy. There's nothing quite as lovely as French kissing the mouth of a grown woman who sucks on a dummy. And I only asked one thing of you (well, 32) to keep my mood sunny. I told you once you were asleep, I'd look under your pillow and if they weren't there, I'd take them from you. Because wasn't I nice to you? Didn't I buy you a puppy? Didn't I beat up all those horrible men who called you ugly? Didn't I spoon-feed you manuka honey? And when I fed you too much and you felt sick, didn't I rub your bulbous tummy? Didn't I lick your cunny? Didn't I even move to Birmingham for you and become a fucking Brummie? I'm not being funny but the least you could have done for me in return was made sure my blow-jobs were nice and gummy.

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