Friday, 27 February 2015

Being Something I'm Not


Life was so cloudy, as if the sun had drawn all the colour out and faded it into a mist of hippie nostalgia; like watching a slideshow of photo slides from the 60's. A parent holding each hand of a baby that's on the cusp of becoming a toddler, as it takes a tentative step toward the camera. Bicycles built for best buds who beam smiles from their shiny metal Schwinns, lazing against their elongated seats and their curved back handlebars. A man in a moustache holding a wooden oar and posing in front of an impossibly out of fashion, dated looking canoe.

It was naturally abnormal and abnormal in its naturalness. A reality that existed and yet never could have existed; never would, nor ever would again.


Being Lovelorn


She slipped through my fingers, and whilst her memory lingers in my mind, I'll never be fine, and the sun will never shine again. The end.

Monday, 23 February 2015

Being Hopeless

I pissed all my money down the drain. I sucked cancer into my brain. Remind me why we let sheep live again? I thought I was okay, turns out I'm in vomit-inducing pain.

The noise has all gotten a little too much. I'd like to chuck my phone. Grow a beard. Grow my hair. Or maybe shave them instead? Catch a train somewhere. Knaresborough? Middlesbrough? And meet you there. Away from this.

Being Godless Takes Its Toll Even On The Lightest Of Hearts

I hope when you go to bed, you slip a hand inside your panties. As you imagine me hovering above like some Jesus upon a gantry. Whilst your mother downstairs, makes us a wedding cake in her pantry. Because I'd love to love you. And I'd love to fuck you. And I'd fuck to love you. Maybe one day I could even trust you.

It's a ridiculous thing. To comforting things we cling. But what comfort does clinging onto someone that is guaranteed to leave you one day, actually bring? And to empty skies we sing. My solution is to reject everything.

Sunday, 22 February 2015

I saw you soar


I was sitting on a vinyl chair kicking the linoleum. They'd given me some time to sit with your body. To say my last goodbyes in this room neither of us had ever been, in a place that meant nothing. I couldn't bear to look at you laid out on that uncomfortable plastic stretcher, so instead I looked at my feet and waited for it to be over. You weren't here anyway. You were gone. They thought I'd need time with your shell, as if the hermit crab or the snail is the shell, as if you were nothing more than just another body.

When the helicopter landed, I saw your soul escaping. Whilst the paramedics pounded you, the windsock was flailing.

Being Romantic Part II

Your last pack of cigarettes are like the last few days with the girlfriend you've already decided to dump. You know she's bad for you and you need to give her up. But you're determined to savour those last few fucks. Problem is her cunt no longer tastes like the cunt with which you fell in love, the cunt of which you could never get enough. All your remaining days, laced with FSC and regrets and haunting memories of the pool of splodge you left on the girl before her's legs.

Being Romantic

I'm permanently tired and yet I always stay up late. My soul, if there is such a thing, is a burning pit fuelled by hate. Your body was the only thing to which I thought I could relate. I wrote you love poems in my head but when it came to it all I could manage was to cum on your legs.

Saturday, 21 February 2015

Quondam of Solace


There's only so much time. A finite window of opportunity. Just a few years pass and you've missed the boat forever. Here, no one dares to tend the barren hen-pecked ground. Sun-scorched, and drenched in dust so desperately. Under the surface, the once lush crops have all drooped and withered on the yellowing vine. Here, you could go to bed with a grape and wake up with a sultana.

She smiles at you on her way down the bell curve. But how much love is there left to give? I look away from her, turning my eyes to my watch. There's just not enough time left for us.

Give It a Little Pizzass



"Just push it through the mail slot!" I called. I could tell he was hesitating. "I know the box won't fit, just push them through one slice at a time."

A few horrendously long seconds passed before I heard the noise of a cardboard pizza box opening. The metal flap lifted on my door. Gingerly a slice teetered over the threshold. I was wheezing in starving desperation. Breathing heavily, my man boobs straining against my XXXL shirt. I grabbed at it before it hit the floor, throwing it inside my mouth, swallowing mostly, biting but never chewing.

It wasn't long before he'd pushed them all through the hatch into my hatch. I put the money through: a 20 note for an $18.95 delivery. I told him, between gasps, to keep the change. He'd fed me like a baby suckling at a teat. He'd never know what he meant to me.

Being Nothing


Nothing was here to stay. Nothing would never go away. I dialed her number the old fashioned way - on the walkie talkies we'd shared back in the day:

"Come in, come in, it's me, over," I would say. And she'd respond in her own funny way, like "roger, Roger, hello 'it's me', hey!"

But no voice came back to me today. She was dead, and I had left her behind in yesterday.

Being Blank

I dialled her number. The old-fashioned way. On a telephone connected to a wall. She didn't answer. I felt like a fool. I spent the next week off school, in bed curled up into a ball. It wasn't until the following week that I found out the reason she hadn't answered was that she'd gone for a swim and drowned at the bottom of her pool. I spent the remainder of the year at home, feeling very little at all. Just staring at the wall from where I'd made the call that she never answered and never would. Asking myself over and over, "Can life ever be understood?"

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

Decumbent


We're all hurtling headlong into the grave. An unrestrained Gadarene rush, with very little flailing. And then, it's only at the end, when we look back, wondering briefly what became of us and all that we missed on our festinating charge down the hill.

Dogs don't care. They don't think twice why they're here, what they missed, or what could've been. They don't wonder why they're giving birth in a world that's dying, whilst starving, surrounded by other starving members of their species. They just are, they just do. And then, here we are, achieving the same results but worrying ourselves sick about it.

If I could play violin,
I'd put that thing to my chin,
Play the most mournful song and sing,
Until everyone was dead.
Until it all was dust instead.

Monday, 16 February 2015

Best Regards, Dominic

I wrote a micro
It was full of typos
It didn't even rhyme
Frankly, it was a waste of time
But I love the new website design
And I wanted to publish something on it
So this will do just fine.

Sunday, 15 February 2015

Taking Your Crown to Town

He looks at me through sullen half sunk eyelids. Blaming me for every single thing that I currently feel guilty for. It's possible he's asleep. It's possible his eyes have leaked from his unconscious skull, detached themselves and begun operating under their own volition. How many blinks before it all goes black? How many seconds will you suffer, or will you not suffer at all? I find it quite unappealing - all this savagery. The untold agonies. The atrocities, which we sweep under the rug so children don't didder and wet their beds.

I think I'll use you as a cup, a ball, or a mask, the options are vast.

Friday, 13 February 2015

Licking His Lips, He Begged For More Chips

Even when I'm breathing, I have a desperate need for breath. But when I watch her I forget. She grips my heart to death, and pesters my regrets.

Even when its beating, there's nothing in my heart. But when I see her it restarts, I fill with feelings and remark, that even I can feel a spark.

All that's in her is a poison, and she sucks it in her bones, her leather skin and sexy flesh is filled with terminal groans. She stays out in the sun too long, sucks cigarettes and wears sarongs, but I want her for my own, so that we can be alone, and she can bounce upon my bone.

Thursday, 12 February 2015

The Greatest Autobiography of Jemz and Dom and Goodbye.

We'd been at it again for nearly a year. Taking parts of our lives and rearranging them here. This time was different though, not nearly as clear, we lacked Eastbourne Pier; our lives were like a halved sphere - descending from top gear, toward our nadir, with no safe harbour into which we may steer.

In the old days our 'friends' would all jeer, when our words first premièred, but now they won't even sneer, because they won't lend an ear, as our hair disappears and our deaths linger so tantalizingly near.

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

She looked like something I wanted


A thickness inside. A thick sludge. Uncomfortable and foreboding. Clinging at your insides. You try and dole it out to others to ease your pain. But it just keeps coming back, growing faster and faster, no matter how hard you attempt to bail it out. You struggle to breathe. Gasping. And then wonder why you bother to try and live at all. 

Your mind creeps toward the edge of everything. Tickling and toying with the idea of nothingness. Until the sludge begins receding. 

What to do when you're ugly and no one loves you

I don't know, or I would've done it already.

Sunday, 8 February 2015

When your dad strokes inappropriately

I needed to be on work on time. Today of all days. To impress my manager after the previous day's incident, where I yet again made a fool of myself. I seemed to make a fool of myself every single day.

"Dad?" I called. "Dad I need a lift today, I need to get to work early today." At least I would get something right and start off the day with the appearance of being competent.

"Can't right now son, I'm on the toilet and I may be some time!" came the reply thundering down the stairs, a tinge of strain behind each word.

"Come on dad, I might lose my job..." I trailed off, muttering that I couldn't lose my job. My thoughts were becoming verbalized as my stress levels increased. This job meant a lot to me. I only had $20 in the bank, and I was supposed to be chipping in and helping with mum's medical bills. So far I'd barely managed to save a cent, every time I thought I was getting somewhere I had one unexpected bill after another. Maybe I could jog to work... the walk was only 30 minutes, and if I jogged I might get there in 20... still I'd only be just on time, not early. As I began pacing frantically I heard the toilet flush upstairs - dad! - my hear leapt for joy.

"Alright, son!" he called. "I snapped it off early just for you, I won't let you lose your job. Let's go!"

We bundled into the car. He patted his pockets for his keys, found them, and started the ignition. "Off we go, I reckon we'll get you there 10 minutes early at the least."

We'd made it about 8 minutes in silence. I looked over at my father, proud and grateful to have a considerate man like him drop everything, well, nearly everything, for me. I noticed some sweat beads along his forehead and sweat stains on his armpits. "Are you all right dad? Want me to crank the a.c?"

"No I. N-no," he spluttered.

"What's wrong dad? Are you okay?"

"I think I'm having a s-s-stroke. I c-can't see and my arms don't... I feel.... I f-feel..." suddenly the car lunged into the kerb, the tyre flapping against it and making a horrible noise. I screamed as the car veered on and off the road, hitting the kerb repeatedly. Dad managed to hit the brakes. Too late. We smashed into the back of a parked car. The windscreen cracked, but held in place. The driver's air-bag went off, propping my father awkwardly between it and the window.

"D-don't stop for me son. Your work is more important. We're nearly there. Go! Go! I'll be fine" he laboured. "I'll be fine! Go on...without me!"

Tears streamed down my face as I left the car and called the ambulance. "My father's had a stroke!" I yelled at the lady down the line, before listing the cross streets where the accident occurred. By the time I made it to work I was a mess, and only on time. Not early. The whole thing had been a disaster. I told my boss about it, he was sympathetic. Asked if I needed the day off. I refused, cleaned myself up and got on with it, putting it all to the back of my mind. My sister phoned - I told her the whole story. She asked me not to work any over time, to go straight over to the hospital and be with dad. So when my shift ended I tried calling him, he didn't answer. I got a bus to the hospital, but they said I'd just missed him. He'd been discharged. Arriving home I went to his room and gingerly knocked. "Come in," came the weary reply

"Dad, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, I'll pay for everything, are you okay? Please be okay!"

"I really scared you there didn't I son," he punctuated with a cough, looking pained. "I'm okay. but I'll give you some advice the doctor gave to me. Never pinch off a turd, son. Never pinch one off early.It was just a bit of indigestion."

Thursday, 5 February 2015

Felicity

You've decorated my ashtray with little death wishes. I've decorated your tits with whisky and kisses. Our kitchen... a gallery of dirty dishes. Our living room... a bowl for us to be ogled in like goldfishes. We're disgusting and we should die.

When did we get so tired? And when did our love become so mired... in filth. When I was younger, I dreamt it would be walks in the park. I dreamt it would be a constant fucking lark. Even if deep down, I knew everything eventually loses its spark.

So why bother with children? Isn't it cruel, the hopes with which we fill them? Yes, but whilst God tears everything down around us, it's human nature to carry on building. Silly spastic idiots.

Slaughter Your Fucking Elders, Leave Your Young To Suffer Alone

Dead rats and public toilets... how can you ever have an appetite for anything? Cheap labour and cheaper mattresses... how can you sleep away everything? You laugh like a game cunt. But you're weary. So fucking weary. Your tired back aches whilst your tarred lungs shake.

Take a walk in a field
Rain-sodden and unconcealed
Use an umbrella for a shield
My mother always said
"Once you're dead, you're healed"
Never before has a coffin so appealed
I'll kneel and I'll kneel and I'll kneel
Until some cunt in the sky fucking yields
For a glorious death, I am steeled.

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Life Gave me Lemons, So I Grew Lackadaisies

If I could push through and leave it all behind me. If I had the energy to make it happen. To free myself. To bite back. To rise above. To seize the day and become whatever I wanted.

Then where would it get me?

Would I rather I'd just never tried?

Crossing back over a burnt bridge

She was living ass to mouth. Puckering all her holes and pumping pickelhauben. The tears rolled down the back of her eyeballs and poisoned her throat. Poker faced but toxic; her hair and bones were built by absorbing copious servings of seminiferous splatter. Coke fuelled. Angrily passive. She kept a razor blade in her purse to remind herself she was alive. To hold her feelings to ransom. She'd pound away all night until the dollars rained down. But it was never enough. It could never bring back her daughter, and it could never heal the part of her that was broken. That thickly scarred callus that allowed her to survive.

Sunday, 1 February 2015

H20 Decomposes The Carbon Frame

"The first time I came here, I saw a man out there, bobbing in the ocean." I drew on my cigarette to punctuate the next line with an introductory silence. "He was face down. Not moving. I stood here, on this very spot, watching him drift by."

"Oh," she said, eyeing off the ledge and finding it a little less inviting.

"Come closer. There's been something I've been meaning to ask you. Will you do me the honour of... will you... will you marry me?"

N-emesis

That small gust of wind that blows, just before rain is about to fall. That's where you'll find her. Her face drifts past, and something she said, as the scent of the rain permeates the world around you. A heart that's still sore longs for lost lovers. Pining for people that twisted it and tore it in torture. If I could throw it all up. The hurt that swum around my stomach. In a hurling healing heave. Then I'd be all better. I'd have my reprieve.