Thursday, 9 August 2018

Bless This Mess

It's a mess. Low down within her chest. It's a mess. It's butterflies churning and flying pests.
It's the world against her heart - her zest. It's twisting her up and causing her distress. It's a mess. She'll never think that she is blessed. She'll never allow herself to rest. She's pressed, some days she can barely bring herself to dress, she's stifled by the agitating stress, of wondering why everyone is so possessed, to achieve and accomplish such finesse. It's like they were all given answers but all she can ever do is guess.

Ceaseless

I'm over it, I'm over you. I've finished feeling like we should be one not two. I've finished feeling - there's clots in my heart. I've finished feeling like we should never be apart. I've finished with lies and I'm finished with life. I've finished feeling like you should be my wife. I've finished with trying, doing, drudging, stalling. I'm finished with breathing, all I want to be is falling.

Never Change

Of course you will, your heart will harden, your smile soften and your hopes will darken. Just these years when you are young, are all you'll have to look back upon. Just these few innocent years, until life is scratching, toiling, and running from your fears, filling buckets up with your desperate tears, and debts which keep you in arrears. I touch your face and smile along, I couldn't bear to tell you that you're wrong. I couldn't bear to unburden myself of the truth, and stain the fleeting purity of your youth.

Another Hit For The Road

Regular instillings of compliments kill me
Another month another year
That that's all I have left
Has become my greatest fear.
Everything gets scarier the more that I grasp
Holding on to nothing was such an easy task
Now I'm burrowed so deeply within my lover's heart
That my death would tear her entire world apart
That life goes on and I'll never get to see
The promises my children's faces made to me
That I'll never see their lives ever truly start
Their unwept tears haunt me in the dark.
I should appreciate what I have instead
But I'm always aware of the sword of Damocles hovering overhead
Love is life's greatest twist,
The more you have, the more you fear it will be missed.

(with @M.S.Valentine (Instagram))

Sunday, 5 August 2018

Muddle

I'm drowning in a muddle of shit, and all I can think about is the best way to escape it: sailing down the side of a cliff or slitting my wrists. You tell me to stop and consider all the things I will miss so I stop and consider it and the things I came up with are this:

Monday, 30 July 2018

Let's We Forget

No one looks for you anymore. Nobody searches. There is just a wall with with your name and the birdsong as dirges. The leaves and the shrubs have grown wild upon you, no one cares, no one is left to lift the vines that string and strangle upon the stairs. Only fifty years passed before you were forgotten, before they deemed your body immovable and rotten. Now you are lost, with nothing to show, but a headstone left crumbling, in the dark, overgrown.

Wednesday, 11 July 2018

I'll Be Your Battery When You're At A Critically Low Percent

If you can't get out of bed, if you can't get out of your head,  if you can't get over all the embarrassing things you're worried you may or may not have said, if the mere thought of tomorrow fills you with dread, if your whole being is in torment, I'll lie with you and together we can be depressed. I won't pretend this is the vision of love of which I dreamt, but being with you is the only vision my heart will accept.