Tuesday, 24 April 2018

Let Down Your Hair

How can I love you when you are so broken? 
How can I want someone strong willed and outspoken? 
How can someone too much - so intense,
Be the one who makes me lose all sense?

All these walls of logic and reason that you've built, 
All this past for which you feel regret and guilt, 
All this hurt, this accumulated pain, 
The slow sucks of feeling as if your life is circling the drain.

I see it all and I understand. 
I understand that you are stronger than any man. 
I understand that life never goes according to our best laid plans, 
And that you've done your very best with life's dealt hand. 

I can see, for I am tall, 
The heart you hide behind those walls, 
You think it delicate because it's so small, 
You think it fragile for it's always sore. 
But tenderness itself is not a flaw. 
Tenderness is what makes you more.

Without a heart that feels and hurts, we aren't whole, we aren't human.
Without walls we haven't learnt, we haven't grown, we're ripe to be ruined.
And so I'm not here to bring you down like some Joshua with his horn.
I'll wait for you to open up and just be grateful you were ever born.

Friday, 20 April 2018

H2No

My emotions feel like liquid as they slowly sludge around, I'm like a water balloon sloshing and every drop seems to drag me down. I just want some happiness to wash into me, but the only one that makes me happy will never become 'we'.

So I sit and wonder at what I could possibly do to go on, nothing comes to mind, so I'll slosh about until I'm gone.



*(I note here, with some ironic hue, that I've described myself tick-like attached to a tap made of you, reliant on the smallest drops you feed me for my happiness to come true, but where's the lie though, trapped as we are in this folie à deux?)

Fog

Has my heart ever gotten what it truly wanted?
My heart's a cemetery full of lovers' ghosts that haunt it
Their perfect smiles and their memories still taunt it
Twisting through my happiness, leaving it contorted

When everything is coloured through the pallid specter of a ghost
How could you truly ever see what in life you love the most?
How could you enjoy the simple things that life supposedly boasts
When you are living life a lonely cataracted host?

You told me that you loved me and it was hard for me to do the same
To give a feeling so pure such a silly, overused, unoriginal name
I thought that real romantic love meant the same thing to everybody
But love is just a game you played between bouts of melancholy

So I'll see you in my heart sometimes, for I know you'll haunt it too
Making me regret my life through another translucent view
If I had my time again, I'd be there banging on your door
My heart is like a cemetery, but one that you've scraped raw.

Wednesday, 18 April 2018

Dreaming Of The Off Switch

If I could just die like that I would
If there was a button I could flick, don't you think I should?
If I could cut my throat as easily as I butter toast
If I could jump face first down a flight of stairs as distractedly as I swing on chairs
If I could turn it all off in a single swipe
Disappear suddenly in the middle of the night
No regrets, no fears, no leaving my family in arrears
If there were no consequences at all... thanks for the few good times... and cheers...

Instajam

Would you trade it all in, for looks like Glen, with his 16 likes and his chiseled chin? Or do you want the fame cash brings - Chanel bags and Gucci bling, in huge houses with diamond rings? Or is all you want that porcelain skin, for your webcam selfies flashing a lusty grin? or do you wanna just grab some gin, sit in the dark, think how life stings, rub your fingers along the grip of your gun to the firing pin, draw the hammer back, let a bullet in?

Columbarium

You took me there and showed me to the place, where after your cremation, your ashes would be encased. I asked you what it would be like when you were burnt alive - you laughed, and said you wouldn't know, for surely you'd have died.

I never heard of anyone so openly desperate for their own death,
And everyone else would laugh along with you as you vowed to never take another breath.
And then when you finally got your wish, and you were gone,
I was the only one laughing as the curtains on the cremator were drawn.

Lost In Space

What am I even doing here? I'm not sure. Directionless and miserable without a single calling inside my core. I don't know what any of this is even for. Unloved and ugly, now an old and lifeless fucking bore.

I was taught to never want or expect more.
And here I am, my whole life has become a fucking chore and I don't want to do it anymore.