Wednesday, 18 April 2018

Dreaming Of The Off Switch

If I could just die like that I would
If there was a button I could flick, don't you think I should?
If I could cut my throat as easily as I butter toast
If I could jump face first down a flight of stairs as distractedly as I swing on chairs
If I could turn it all off in a single swipe
Disappear suddenly in the middle of the night
No regrets, no fears, no leaving my family in arrears
If there were no consequences at all... thanks for the few good times... and cheers...


Would you trade it all in, for looks like Glen, with his 16 likes and his chiseled chin? Or do you want the fame cash brings - Chanel bags and Gucci bling, in huge houses with diamond rings? Or is all you want that porcelain skin, for your webcam selfies flashing a lusty grin? or do you wanna just grab some gin, sit in the dark, think how life stings, rub your fingers along the grip of your gun to the firing pin, draw the hammer back, let a bullet in?


You took me there and showed me to the place, where after your cremation, your ashes would be encased. I asked you what it would be like when you were burnt alive - you laughed, and said you wouldn't know, for surely you'd have died.

I never heard of anyone so openly desperate for their own death,
And everyone else would laugh along with you as you vowed to never take another breath.
And then when you finally got your wish, and you were gone,
I was the only one laughing as the curtains on the cremator were drawn.

Lost In Space

What am I even doing here? I'm not sure. Directionless and miserable without a single calling inside my core. I don't know what any of this is even for. Unloved and ugly, now an old and lifeless fucking bore.

I was taught to never want or expect more.
And here I am, my whole life has become a fucking chore and I don't want to do it anymore.

Wednesday, 11 April 2018


There's nothing like invidia to shake yourself from out your skin. To take your heart right out, shred it to pieces and stuff it in the bin. Every moment without you is an agony within, it's as if I'm separated from myself like the head of Ann Boleyn. And I'm tortured all the time by the predicament I'm in, trapped like a rat inside a maze that I'll never truly win.

Monday, 26 March 2018


There is something in me now and it slowly starts to pull. I was empty for a while but now my heart is growing full. When it overtops it flushes, when it cascades it gushes, when it finally comes it rushes and we'll be drunk on it like lushes. I was feeling less than luscious, I was reeling from her punches, I was tired of her touches, and I was choking in her clutches.

My life was all mapped out, from misery to Mizar, but now I'm walking in your star — I die — when I don't know where you are.

Tuesday, 20 March 2018

When You Come Back

I know what silence is once I have spoken. I know what trust is once it is broken. I know what love means when you are leaving. I know what life is when I am grieving. I leave the light on still, just hoping. That you'll come back to me, with your arms open. That you'll find me again in all your roaming. Look upon me, as if I'm not joking. At some point when you can't keep going, Look for me, I'll still be doting.